Thursday, November 22, 2012

#FridayFlash The Come-To-Jesus Meeting

I first sensed that Julie might be miffed at me when I came home from work to find "Burn in Hell, You Bitch" scrawled in what I sincerely hoped was brown marker. Also, broken glass and the shattered remains of my Grandma's antique china littered the floor. Never a good sign. The couch was partially charred but it appeared she had doused the flames with purple Kool Aid before it got too out of hand. I really knew I was in trouble, though, when I saw the severed head of Nathaniel, the stuffed dog that had been closest companion in childhood. Poor Nathaniel's head lay on the floor next to Julie, where she sat cross-legged on the floor, calmly smoking a cigarette. His body was nowhere to be seen.

"A couple of things," she said. "First, and not to alarm you here, I think I have an anger problem. Secondly, please stop using my shampoo."

Friday, November 18, 2011

#fridayflash The Prankster's Apology

I didn't aim to become a supervillain. I just wanted to take that Mr. Fantastic down a peg or two and it just so happened that my powers of invisibility allowed me the means and the opportunity to achieve my motives. For whatever reason, I just couldn't stand that self-satisfied, smug look he had on the nightly news when he was interviewed for nabbing another cat burglar or pickpocket. Maybe it was because my old man did the same thing every night for thirty years and he never once got on the news, but I guess superhuman speed gets better ratings.

I started out small, just enough to annoy the guy. Itching powder in his stupid looking spandex tights, prank calls to his Mr. Fantastic Hotline, tying his shoe laces together while he was staking out a meth lab, nothing major. That last one had me laughing so hard I accidentally went visible. If you'd seen that cocky mug of his hit the dirt at super speed, you would have laughed too. After he spotted me, I figured the jig was up and that would be the end of my little jokes. He obviously didn't have a sense of humor, or a sense of perspective for that matter, because he tracked me back to my “lair” (my rent-controlled one bedroom apartment on the bad side of town) and challenged me to fight him man to man. I tried to explain that I was just having a laugh, but he swore he would have his revenge and stormed out with a melodramatic flip of his cape.

He publicly declared me his arch-nemesis and gave me the name The Prankster. If I'd have known I was going to get stuck with something so obvious and unoriginal I would have come up with my own supervillain name. But like I said, I wasn't aiming to be anybody's arch-nemesis. He stopped catching criminals and focused on “bringing me to justice.” I don't know how things escalated so quickly, but before I knew it I was kidnapping his girlfriend and constructing death rays. Its silly, I know, but once the gauntlet was thrown, I couldn't back down. Its the Irish in me.

I stand before you today not as a supervillain, but as the son of a cop who somehow wound up on the wrong side of the law. I know it was wrong to contaminate the city's water supply, but in my defense I never meant to kill anybody. I just wanted everybody to lighten up. Things just got so weird and dark, I figured we could all go for a laugh. I guess I got the recipe wrong or added too much and for that I'm sorry. I throw myself on the mercy of the court. I know I don't deserve forgiveness, all I ask is for a little understanding.

Friday, November 11, 2011

#fridayflash The Companion's Lament

I should have known better to trust a madman with a box, but I was young and na├»ve. I believed this stranger when he fell out of the sky into my garden shed and claimed that he was an alien who could travel through time and space. He proved it by taking me roller skating on the Sea of Tranquility. Later, we dined upon Tang and freeze dried ice cream at the “authentic” Neil Armstrong Cafe. It was all quite convincing, really. And to be fair, he was an alien who could travel through time and space. Just not the particular one he claimed to be.

Impersonating a celebrity to the yokels who don't know any better is bad enough, but this piece of work took me for all that I had. He claimed that as a time traveler, he had no use for money. I quickly realized that was only because I was picking up the tab for everything. We were at a spa on the planet Midnight when the authorities finally caught up with us, and let me tell you, a weekend there is not cheap. The bastard is now serving three consecutive life sentences at Stormgate which is what he deserves but I was offered no restitution. I was left with only with a one way ticket back to Earth (who knows what year it will be when I arrive. I hope my Mum isn't too worried.) and an irrational hatred of bowties.

Friday, November 4, 2011

#fridayflash SWL seeks SWM

Me: A sexy barista by day, a naughty she-wolf by night, tired of the dog-eat-dog world of the lycanthrope dating scene.
You: A docile human longing to be dominated by an alpha female. You know your place in the pack and its whatever I say it is.
Prefer a young, white male. Must have a sense of humor and must love dogs. No kids.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

#FridayFlash Flash on the Borderlands

Its three for the price of one this week. A few months back I tied for second in Pseudopod's Flash Fiction Contest and today they released the podcast with the winning stories. I'm very pleased. You can hear "Escape," "Mother's Milk," and (mine) "Little Monster" here.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Paradigm Shift

Before, in the time when I didn't know you, the doors were locked tight.
The lights were off, the rooms were empty and no one came to call.
Everything was laid out neat as two pins, everything in its place.
The only sound was the clock dutifully ticking away the hours.
There were bars on all the windows and they did not open.
No intruders could get in past the alarms.
I was safe.

Now the windows are flung
open whenever you walk past, a breeze
blows through, it flings
all the doors open and the papers flutter around and lose
their order, and the dog barks and jumps to try to catch them but they fly by just
out of his reach, and someone turns on a light to see what the ruckus
is all about, and I am standing all alone in

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Fairy's Gift #Fridayflash

The Fairy's Gift is a finalist in the "Uncovered" contest and appears at The Clarity of Night blog. Hope you enjoy!