Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Best Medicine #fridayflash

Carmella wrapped her lips around her fangs to take a puff from her cigarette, then exhaled the smoke through her clenched teeth while making a sssssssss sound. She shifted one pendulous breast over to the side to scratch an itch and looked out over the crowd. A group of werewolves were line dancing over in the corner, all with the same deadpan expression on their faces. Frank was doing his best to sing karaoke, but his vocal chords were beginning to rot away as well as his tongue so most of it came out as an unintelligible moan.

“I wish to hell that that zombie would shut his fly-trap,” said Vlad the bartender.

“Oh, cut him some slack. He's a good kid. Its not his fault he got bitten by the wrong kind of monster.”

Vlad snorted.

“You are such a softie Carmella. I don't know how you ever manage to get any blood off your victims. I imagine you loan them all a twenty and give them a ride home rather than helping them to shuffle off their mortal coils.”

“I do ok,” Carmella shrugged. Vlad polished some glasses and Carmella puffed on her cigarette some more while watching the line dancers. Frank finished warbling into the microphone and there was a sprinkling of applause from the crowd. One of the werewolves put a quarter in the jukebox and the line dancing began again, their boots clicking on the floor in unison and their eyes staring straight ahead at nothing.

“You sounded good up there,” Carmella said to Frank as he came up to the bar for a drink.

“Haannnks,” he groaned. “Eeii yiiiikh hat shoongh.”

“Yeah, its a real toe tapper,” Carmella said.

“Yoo ohkay? Yoo shound a yittle hown.”

“Eh, I'm ok I guess. Just a little moody. Eternity isn't quite what I thought it would be.”

“Hell me about hit,” Frank said, downed his shot and shuffled off the men's room.

Carmella crushed her cigarette into the ash tray and sighed.

“Hey Vlad, give me a bloody mary, would ya?”

“If you're down in the dumps, why don't you go out and get you the real thing? A nice plump virgin always lifts my spirits when I'm feeling down.”

“Nah, I don't think that would help much. Its just the futility of it all. Every night we come to this run down bar and do the same things over and over again. The same faces, the same songs, the same drinks. The thought of doing the same crap for over and over for the rest of eternity is just depressing.”

“I think its great. I can do whatever I want whenever I want to who ever I want. I don't have to worry about the consequences because I can't die.” Vlad held his hands out as if to emphasize his point and backed up a step. He slipped in a puddle of spilled beer and fell backwards onto one of the beer taps. It pierced him through the heart and he instantly turned into dust. Everyone in the bar stopped moving and talking all at once and turned to stare at the pile of dust that was formally Vlad. Carmella doubled over and began to laugh uncontrollably. She clutched her side with one hand and steadied herself on the bar with the other so that the force of her guffaws didn't knock her off her barstool. After several minutes she straightened up and wiped a tear from her eye.

“Ooh, thanks Vlad. I needed that.”


Sulci Collective said...

Hell is a karaoke bar. Yes I think it almost certainly would be. Nice work.

Marc Nash

Jen Brubacher said...

*laughs!* Thanks, I needed that too. What a great picture you paint. And what a place to be immortal (such as it is!)

Andrew Murphy said...

LOVED it. Really and honestly. Probably my favorite out of all your recent stories. The humor, the keen observation and the abrupt punchline at the end. Very good work.

Veronica said...

Great punchline Lynn-Cee.
Was my party an inspiration for the scene? Keep on writing.

ellecee said...

Thanks guys! And V, it was actually based off a divey karaoke bar we went to recently.